What a Week - Part 2 (Thursday and Friday) - Saturday to be Shared Later

 Thursday morning was set to be a work day.  It was just what I needed so that I could be ready for a full day of students on Friday and the following week.  I was hopeful that I could everything ready for 5 days of instruction by the time Thursday's work day was complete.....FAT CHANCE.  

5 am alarm followed by a 5k before the sun was up, felt like a great way to celebrate the "Because I get to" mantra that continued to play in my head and my heart.  I decided to try calling Medical Associates before I went to work even though it was before 7:30 am.  I was thrilled when the receptionist answered and said that they had a 9:50 orthopedic appointment available with Dr. Rock.  That seemed perfect.  I could take the 8:00 class that my principal was leading in the library and then I could run Will to the doctor.  Everything seemed to be falling into place so nicely. 

Will and I checked in at the kiosk on the 3rd floor of the building and proceeded to the waiting area.  The nurse called us back and I began with the words, "We plan for Will to continue playing no matter what we find out today."  

The nurse did her fact gathering and then left the exam room telling us that Dr. Rock would be in shortly.  When Dr. Rock entered the room, I repeated that we were planning for Will to continue playing as this is his senior season. 

Dr. Rock gave us 4 possibilities of what he thought it was before sending us for an xray:  meniscus tear, broken knee cap, kneecap dislocation, or torn ACL.   Xrays showed no break so Dr. Rock brought in a model of the knee and declared the worst possible outcome:  NO SPORTS.

  We had been up front from the beginning.  Will had been playing and would continue to play.  I was mourning for my son as we left the office.   As we walked out to the car, I could tell that my 17 year old was processing big emotions.  As we drove out of the parking lot and stopped at the first light of te drive, I looked over.  Tears. I reached out and held his hand as he cried.  This felt surreal.  Hours earlier I had been celebrating getting a doctor's appointment so quickly and now I wanted to simply rewind time and never make the appointment.   While driving back to Lancaster, calls were made to the coach and the trainer.  We figured we had 2 options:  sign an AMA waiver or get a 2nd opinion.   With just 27 hours before the big game, it might be impossible to get a 2nd opinion.  

I returned to work and got things started for my school plans, had a grade level meeting, a health needs meeting, and tried to get a little more done while drafting a waiver saying that Will could play football.  By 6:00 I wasn't being very productive at school so I headed home.  I was WIPED out, drained completely.

It was now a waiting game for the legal team to either approve or deny our written request for Will to play that would override the medical note.

I rarely sleep well the night before a new school year and Thursday night had some extra worries so my sleep was nearly nonexistent (43 sleep score according to my Garmin).   

Thankfully, the excitement of the new year helped me rise and shine.  Welcoming the new crew of 5th graders was a great way to start the day.  I am also a huge believer in new beginnings, new months, and choosing JOY, so I let that lead my day.

By 10 am I got the news that the legal department wouldn't allow the waiver to be used.  On to Plan B.  Thanks to an amazing coach, an appointment was made for Will for 3:30 that afternoon.  Roger was able to pick Will up from school and I was able to meet them at the doctor's office right here in town.  There was a glimmer of possibility.

I was able to finish my 1st day of the new school year with the same positive energy that I try to use every day.  As soon as I had dismissed my students for the long weekend, I was moving to the doctor's office to be there for what we were counting on to be good news.

By 4:10 we had the 2nd opinion and we were going to make it to have Will at the football bus in time for the 4:15 departure!!!!!

While it seems like it would be the end from there, it wasn't. 

My nerves were bundled in my heart and my stomach.  With each offensive play, I was on the edge of the bleacher holding my breath until the play was over and Will was still standing on both legs.  Add to that the intensity of playing against a team that was ranked 2nd in the state....  We were first to score: 6 to 0.  Then Prairie was up 7 to 6.  With another score we lead 12 to 7.  The last 6 minutes of the game were intense.  The team pulled off a 28 to 27 win over Prairie du Chien!!!  It was the most exciting win I have seen in all of Will's years playing football.

I'm sure there are details I am forgetting.  I may even add some things later but for now we celebrate!

Our saga continues but I think we are on our way to good things.  

We continue to use lots of ice at our house. 

All of this is just another reminder to do things when you can.  Don't put things off.  

"Because I get to."

Passion!

#headupheartout

Fellow Flowers Joy Challenge --- About Me

 Sunday started the Fellow Flowers JOY Challenge.   I am fortunate enough to get to be a part of the 5 week challenge.   I am leading week 1 so my "story" was shared today.  Here's what was shared:

Lead with joy

After years spent cultivating joyful energy, Margaret Bussan now shares her sunshine with everyone she meets. Read on for how the Lancaster, Wisconsin, teacher connects and runs with her “joy crew” and find her top ten reasons for loving summer! How’d you become a runner?   Running didn’t come naturally to me. I had always enjoyed walking and fitness classes (cue step aerobics, Jane Fonda and Denise Austin) but I had never even been an athlete of any kind. In January of 2010, a 24-hour gym opened up a block away from my house. On opening day, I went in there at 4 a.m. so that I could get a workout in before my morning work commute. That 4 a.m. time was perfect to start my fitness journey, which revolved around miles on the treadmill at first. I started with walking. By mid-February, I realized that I could get my four miles in faster if I would bump up the speed a little bit on the treadmill. I started sleeping in about fifteen minutes more and jogging my miles instead of walking them. In July, I saw a sign up for a half marathon on Labor Day. I signed up. Labor Day was on September 6 that year. I had been consistent with my treadmill mileage from January through August but I had NEVER run outside until race day! That half marathon was an experience. I quickly realized how much more enjoyable running outside was compared to the treadmill. I still love the occasional treadmill miles but have tried to make more of my runs on the road and with friends. What’s your current relationship status with running?  I have come to truly find JOY in being able to run. Throughout 2023, I have had a few health hiccups that have caused me to be out of running for some short periods of time. These have created a new appreciation for what running gives me: JOY!  I am not my fastest right now, but I am consistent with running. I log between 20 and 30 miles a week. What line from the Joy flower resonates with you most?   EVERY LINE of JOY resonates with me! Today I am going to go with the line “to appreciate sunshine” because I got up and got my miles in before work because the sunshine coming through the bedroom window was my motivation. What role does joy play in your life?   I think this is a key question. I believe that everything we do is infused with the energy that we do it with. If we do something with joyful energy, it will be joyful.  Please don’t confuse my answer with toxic positivity. When a situation is rough, I try to find the joy in it. Not to bring in nerdy brain science, but I really think that I have trained my brain to find the joy in things. Over the last ten years, and maybe  even a little more, I have chosen the JOY flower for my runs more than any other flower. It might even be possible to say that I practice joy often so that my joy muscles are always in good health. I am definitely a “lead with my heart” type of person and the emotion I choose to lead with is joy! What — and we’re taking big things, small things, silly things, anything! — brings you joy? I think I find joy in everything. I am lucky to find joy in my chosen profession. I find joy in serving others — as a church volunteer and MVRA board member, to name a few. Some of the small things that bring me great joy are time at home with my family, a quiet evening reading or watching TV. I experience joy watching my kids do things they love. I find joy in time with my running friends. Freshly baked cookies fresh from the oven brings me joy. Seeing someone — anyone — experience success brings me joy. Working hard for a goal brings me joy. Where is your happy place?   My happy place is with my family (Roger, Kate and Will) or anywhere the sun is shining. I’d love to say it’s at a beach but I feel like we rarely get to a beach. Why is joy important to you?   Joy is more than happiness to me. Joy goes along with my physical and mental health. It relates to accomplishments and being more than satisfied. Joy is experienced. I think joy shows in my smile and becomes something that I am able to share with others. How do joy and friendship intersect for you?   One way that I feel like joy grows is through shared experiences, and this is definitely a connection to friendships. Sharing a meal together brings joy and builds friendship. Running with others is another way that joy and friendship intersects for me. I experience great joy when I get to run with others. How about friendship and running?   I have been so lucky to build the friendships I have with other runners. One of my favorite things about my joy crew is that we are all at different points in life and yet we are able to share experiences. I feel lucky that our friendship isn’t forced. I never feel pressure to be anything more than I am with my run friends. When I am with my run crew, I am able to just be in the moment with them. The moments with them are what they are and that helps bring pure joy. How do friends make running better?   Shared experience and shared pain — just kidding! Running friends give me something to look forward to about the runs besides the mileage. I love the time spent with them. We are each other’s biggest cheerleaders. We support each other through the hard and we celebrate each other during the great! Knowing that we are there for each other builds my own confidence in myself and I hope it makes them feel more capable, too! While we all have shared values, passions and goals, we also have great differences that help us to be so much stronger together. Having my run crew helps me to be accountable even on the hard days. There have also been times where I might have quit running if I didn’t have my run crew. The support and friendships makes working hard more fun.   What’s the best part of summer?   Oh, how I LOVE summer! I don’t think I can pick one thing that’s the best part, but here are my top 10 reasons that summer is my favorite season: 10. Warm weather. 9. Sunlight before I even have to get out of bed. 8. Blue skies. 7. More time for adventures and fun trips. 6. Less pressure and less go go go than the school-year routines (a chance to relax). 5. Race opportunities are abundant.  4. Time for bike rides.  3. Saturday farmer’s markets 2. Weekend bonfires and s’mores.  1. Listening to music in the car at a pretty loud volume with the windows down and the sunroof open

Gifts to My Heart

 August was a month filled with many blessings.  I am going into September with a full heart!  

I'd like to share with you some of  the gifts to my heart.

The last year and a half has really changed my connection to "my people"  but during August I had so many perfect opportunities to connect with some of my favorite people.  Those connections are so necessary and it truly was an important part of my month.  While there is a part of me that liked (maybe even loved) being able to be home instead of having plans, I have been seriously missing out on what used to be...

In August I got to run with some of my #FFCREW.  It felt SO good to see them and hug them and spend time catching up with conversations! 

And did I mention the Crumbl Cookies?  

That simple couple hours was so important to my recharging and it wasn't the only thing that was life-giving.  

I spent a few days that same week in Madison.  I tried new to me foods.  I spent time sitting....yep, just slowing down and sitting. Time walking slowly along the water of Lake Monona. It was a gift to my heart in so many ways.

I also got a new pair of running shoes from Movin' Shoes.  New shoes always make my heart happy!

And then I got to enjoy more time with Michelle as we ran the Alzheimer's Half Marathon.  We were 1st and 2nd in our age group!    

We got a medal for the run, a 2nd medal for placing in our age group, and the Made to Move Summer Challenge Finisher Medal.

This summer lover is just a little sad to know that tomorrow brings a new month filled with all the crazy of new school routines and stressors, but my heart is happy and full.

Don't for a minute think that there weren't really hard and stressful things in August, too.  I am trying to choose how I feel and what I focus on so you get to share in my blessings.  I hope you will take some time to count yours, too!

August Miles run:  120.3

August Step goal %:  29/31 - 94%

I started the month with a slow, steady 10 mile run and I finished the month with an early morning 4 miler at a pace I haven't seen in over a year.  That gives me hope for a sub 2 half SOON --maybe September, maybe October but definitely before 2021 ends!

Dreamer:  To embrace the challenge and welcome new beginnings.

Here's to all that the 2021-2022 school year will bring.  

Birthdays, Olympics, and Balance

 "A child whose birthday is coming up is so excited, they count down the days. But as we get older we seem to lose the excitement. We need to rethink and be happy we have reached another birthday."

                                                                     — Theodore W. Higginsworth 

    In the summer of 1982 (July 23 to be exact) I remember the awesome birthday celebration that started my summer tradition of amusement parks and sparklers.  I love that I have a summer birthday.  I always felt like the July 4th fireworks were like the kick-off to a major 3 week party that was just for me.  As I got older I didn't always celebrate quite as big as I had when I was in elementary school but summer birthdays were perfect for me.  I could do pretty much anything to celebrate myself.  

    Somewhere along the way I quit wanting people to know it was my birthday.  I don't think I was afraid of getting older because obviously that beats the alternative.  I just didn't want any attention.  I didn't know how to respond when I was in the spotlight.  

    This year I turned 45.  I didn't go out for a special meal with my family or even have cake or ice cream.  I ran 4.5 miles with my favorite running buddy and watched the opening of the Olympics.  I wish I hadn't ever lost the excitement for my birthday.  I hope I can change that in the years to come.

    Now let's talk Olympics!!!  I love to read biographies about the Olympians.  One of my favorite books of all time is In The Water They Can't See You Cry.  While I don't swim, I loved this memoir of Amanda Beard who competed in the 1996 Olympics at age 14.  Even as I was growing up I remember idolizing athletes like Nadia Comaneci (gymnastics) and Flo Jo (running) and more recently Deena Kastor for her distance running skill.  When I started running after Kate and Will were born, I loved learning about Kara Goucher and Sara Hall.  One thing that I really loved about Kara Goucher was that she had been from Minnesota.  I felt like her midwestern connection made her somehow more like me....

    When it was announced that the 2020 Tokyo Olympics would begin on July 23, I felt like it was the perfect birthday honor.  Kate and I would get to watch the US Women's National Soccer Team (USWNT)  together early that morning but my excitement for the Olympics was short lived.   I did not have the attention span for watching that I had previously.  Some mornings I check the medal count and some mornings I don't.  In the evenings when others are watching the events, I am choosing to read or scroll social media.  I've decided to change the focus of the Olympics so that I do get more out of them than I have been.

    I'm going to be paying close attention to the athletes in a different way because I want to be able to model the things they do that make them great.  I know that I won't be going to the Olympics but I can still chase some dreams!  If I want to be my own best, I need to pay attention to what the best do.  

    

This leads me to the final piece of what I want to write about:  BALANCE.  It is really easy for me to be obsessed with things.  When I have an interest, I think about it so much that I often have to devote time each day to doing other things so that things are in balance.  

    The gymnasts show us balance in amazing ways but the balance I am thinking about has to do with the mind more than anything else.   I think one of the most important balance lessons is the idea of knowing ourselves deeply enough to name our feelings and understanding the feelings of others.   I want to write more about this idea of balance but in an effort to quit rambling tonight, I will continue it another time.

Let's wrap up the fitness for July:

I met my step goal for 28/31 days in July!!!  That's 90%.  I'm super proud of that.  I currently have a 21 day streak going.   I don't know how much longer I can keep it up, but I'm going to shoot for 30 days....

I have 3 weeks until my half marathon in Dubuque.  I did 10 miles this morning and will do another long run of 13 miles on Saturday.  I'm excited to see what my August Made to Move race will be.

  

July Plans

 July is always a big month.  This year it's as big as always.  It starts out with all of the Independence Day Celebrations (which actually start with the Lancaster Jaycees Fireworks on the last Friday of June).

This year July marks my only vacation time.  I am on vacation through Sunday, July 25.  I thought 3 weeks would feel great but then I started putting things on the calendar and realized that there were really only 6 days that I didn't have something planned.   As I was working on filling in our family calendar, I decided to make a running calendar, too.  As part of the Made to Move Summer Challenge I will be running a half marathon in August so I need to follow some kind of a training plan so that I'm ready.

Running Calendar

Family Calendar

I completed 3 really successful weeks of summer school with some amazing kids in June.  One of the things we did during our last week together (20 minutes per day) was watch Luca.  Have you seen it?  It seemed like the perfect movie preparation for summer!!  Summer boredom causes the main character, Luca, to go to the surface of the water and explore farther than he should.  

Let's talk about boredom first, shall we?  I wish I could think of a time when I felt bored since 1994.  Seriously.  It just isn't something I ever struggle with.  I think it helps that I always have books I can read and household chores that can be done.  Even when I could be doing those things, I often do other time wasters instead.  Oh how I wish I knew what boredom felt like. 

Luca and Alberto grow a friendship and make plans with an Italian girl named, Guilia.  The threesome is determined to win a triathlon so that they can buy a scooter.  I love the events in their triathlon:  swimming, eating pasta, and bike riding.  While the movie is definitely made for kids, I am so glad that I got to watch it.  I took away so much for myself.  BE BRAVE, BE BOLD, BE YOU!  Luca, Alberto, and Guilia grow through their experiences in the movie and Luca finds the courage to be himself even if it means giving up certain hopes and dreams.  I'm coming away from watching this movie with the confidence to chase some bold goals---please know that none of my goals include swimming. 😜

I've also been reading some great books and I hope to finish 4 more books during July.  Two of the books I'm reading are Mere Christianity by CS Lewis and The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian by Sherman Alexie.  If you have some great book recommendations, please do share them with me. 

Wrapping Up June

While I didn't get as much running in during June as I had originally hoped, I did enjoy lots of time with my family.  My Garmin goals only hit 21/30 days.  I can do better in July.

My Made to Move 10K was pretty rough and so I am glad that my pace for our July 4th race was nearly a minute per mile faster.  

My 5th annual ICE CREAM STREAK was successful with 30 days of ice cream.  Culver's was probably the most popular ice cream I consumed followed by Phish Food from Ben and Jerry's.  3rd Place goes to Happy Joe's Feature Flavor and the close 4th place of Vesperman Farms.  I haven't had any ice cream in July but I'm sure that I will have some while I am visiting Virginia this week.

My final wrap up on June are 2 connections to my "professional life."  I finished Unit 2 of my LETRS training and have a pretty great score.  I also renewed my Illinois teaching license just to keep my options open.

Planning ahead and working toward goals is something I hope will help me.

Big goals require dedication and commitment not just interest....  Here's to chasing BIG Goals in July and August.

Be a Winner....

 For about a month I have been really thinking, deliberately reflecting, about what it means to win.  I know that seems like a really silly thing to be pondering and putting so much into but I while watching different spring sporting events that my kids have been in and working on my own fitness, I struggled with what it really means to win.  

When I would run half marathons when I first started running in 2011, I remember my own kids and even my students asking me after the races if I had won.  I would always giggle and explain that no I hadn't won but sometimes finishing is an accomplishment.  There were a couple of times that I did "win."  For example at the 2015 Riverview Run 10K, I was the first place woman runner.  It was a small race and I was running really great paces with every mile in the 8s.  My whole thinking around this idea of winning has been brewing since I would watch Will's track meets and Kate's soccer games this spring. 

What does it mean to win?  

There are days lately where I feel like "winning" is simply making it through the day and getting all the things I need to completed.  As I was preparing to run the Fellow Flowers Made to Move 10K in Madison on June 12, I knew I was not going to win or be in the top 3 for my age group.  A few years ago that would have crushed me.  A few years ago I was in a different place.  Winning on June 12 was simply getting my rear to the event, toeing the start line, and completing all 6.2 miles with a smile.  That was a HUGE WIN for me and I am proud of that.  

Over the last year plus, I have come to realize that winning comes from your MINDSET.  

My dear, amazing daughter has really helped me see that.  Her attitude is amazing. She focuses on the positive in every situation.  When I, too often, hold onto the suck and the negativity, she finds the positive.  She is optimistic about everything and I am so proud of her for helping me to really learn from hard lessons and use them to put effort into the positive.  

While watching my son compete in track, I felt his frustration at times.  The events he was in were all individual and he would often feel defeated with his performance.  Winning in track is definitely different from team sports and that was a good thing and a bad thing for my competitive son who did NOT think it was good enough to come in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th.... or so on.  

As I would watch both of my kids compete this spring I thought a lot about what it meant to win and then I wondered why winning was so important.  

I was not an athletic kid.  My competitions were in academics.  I could win spelling bees and academic bowl meets.  I could have the highest GPA possible and take all the college prep classes.  I could give the Valedictory Address at graduation but I had no idea how to be a winner. Winning seemed tied to the athletics and not so much my academics until my recent concentration on winning and what it means to win.

I have come to the decision that sometimes winning means simply letting go.  

As I have been running some of my miles I have been trying to absorb my feelings into my heart and transfer those into my legs with each step and then let it go.  Winning is learning how to feel the frustration and manage the joy of success, too.

It's time for me to make some plans to improve and get back to being a winner.  This #medalmonday from Made to Move is my first step toward being a winner again.

Story --- The Power of It

(5 days until race day!!!  Made to Move )

I often think about stories from the perspective of a reading teacher.  That's a really great way to get to think about stories.  I can think about Patricia Polacco and Kevin Henkes and the stories of Jacqueline Woodson and Peter Reynolds. I use stories every day to teach skills and help connect us in our classroom community but more recently I have been thinking about my own story.  I still don't know that I could tell my own story.

This summer I have decided to really begin the work of figuring out my story because I truly love knowing others' stories.

On Saturday morning, I was at Kate's soccer game in Sauk Prairie.  The facility was beautiful.  The weather was beautiful.  At halftime Roger and I walked back to the car so I could get something to drink.  We were walking back into the stadium when a gentleman who had been standing at the fence turned.

"Who do your girls play in the postseason?' he asked.

We began a conversation simply about the soccer season and playoffs but it quickly turned to more.

"Who are you watching?" I asked him.

"My granddaughter is number 22. She's a freshman."

Somehow the story continued and I learned his name and that he had once been the principal and superintendent in Sauk Prairie.  What was even more interesting to me was that he had filled in as superintendent at Benton Schools (which is super close to the Illinois border and coops with some sports with Scales Mound).  He talked about his sons and their families.  He talked about how his daughter in law had played soccer at UW-Madison. As we continued to listen to Mr. Tom Andres talk, it was evident that he was someone important.  He was wearing his floppy hat, red t-shirt, and khaki shorts but there was just something about listening to him talk about his family and their amazing work that made me want to know more about him.  Sure enough when I googled him I found this:  https://www.swnews4u.com/local/southwest/andres-brings-plethora-of-experience-to-benton-schools/

I truly believe that stories have power.  I try to teach my 5th graders how to write their own stories for that reason -- their stories have power.  As a lover of all things magic, I believe that magic is in the stories, too.  There was definitely something magical about our conversation with Tom Andres on Saturday. I want to work on knowing my own story.  This is my first step.

I was listening to a TED talk by Susan Conley and she talked about encouraging students to write with their heart.  I think that is what makes writing and sharing my own story so hard.  It means I have to trust that whoever I share it with or whoever reads it will not stomp all over it.  TRUST.  That is the hard part.   I know I want to dig in to my story but first I want to deal with the part about trust. 

Today I want to share with you a little bit about why I don't trust.  That's where I think my work on my own story needs to begin.  

During the summer of 2014, I decided to switch schools and districts.  I left what was comfortable and familiar where I had 16 years of experience to risk starting over with something unknown.  That in itself was enough of a challenge but what made things even tougher was when I walked into the teacher's lounge early in the year to hear, "Nobody at her old school liked her.  I can't believe ...."  The conversation was about me and I heard every word that was said.  This often replays in my mind.  I think about how I can unhear the conversation that I heard. It's impossible for that to happen. I've been asked to work with the person who was saying things about me that day in a few different ways.  I have worked hard to hold my head up each time.  I'm sure we all have stories like this but I am going to work through mine.  My story of not being enough to others and feeling invisible is not a story that's just mine but I'm ready to start telling all the parts of my story.

@fellowflowers

Here's to a great week of possibility ahead!  

Mid May Check in

 

 18/22 days of meeting my step goal. (82%)

Somehow this month I am a week behind.  I would have loved to have taken time for a mid May check in but here we are on the 22nd.  The days seem to be flying by and I am not doing a great job of getting ahead on things.  Three weeks from today I will be toeing the line at Made To Move in Madison.  To say that I am undertrained is an understatement.  

A couple of weeks ago at our staff meeting our building principal compared the school year to a marathon.  He said that the marathon runners don't get this close to the finish line and slow down.  We can't slow down or let up on instruction and expectations either.  I thought about the marathons I've run and I am horrible at the "finish strong" part.  I am going to do better 

May has been a mental struggle for me that I wasn't expecting.  This is not to excuse me but just to explain it the best that I can.  

Last Sunday I had a crazy freakout.  It's really funny to hear Kate and Will retell the scenario as they saw it happen.  Here's a little bit of the situation from my perspective:

Roger and I are taking a Financial Peace University course.  It's hard for me because it is a completely different mindset change.  I have repeatedly (since I was 18 and in college) used credit cards to excess.  It's a horrible habit but it has definitely been one of the things I've used to "cope" with stress.  Are you feeling sad about something?   Buy 4 pairs of jeans.  Are you super proud of your recent race?   Reward yourself with 3 new pairs of Nikes.  Worried about something that might happen next week?  Distract yourself by spending $400 you don't have. Did you work hard this week?  Let's get a few new dresses for school.  Clearly I needed this Financial Peace course but it is hard for me.   

The course requires that budget/plan every dollar, watch a video and then attend the Sunday class together.  On Sunday morning we watched our video and it hit me in the heart HARD for a couple of reasons.  First it hit me because Dave Ramsey told the story of his friend who took his entire family on a vacation to Greece - all of his kids and grandkids - with cash.  In June of 2016, my parents took all of us on a family vacation (it wasn't a $70,000 trip but....).  I want to be able to do those kinds of things for my family.  If I don't make some changes to how I spend/save money, I won't be able to.  

The second part of Dave Ramsey's story was about the same many and how his family bought a bunch of new bicycles and gave them away.  Roger and I would love to be able to give in ways like that whether it be to give back to our local community or to our alma maters in scholarships.  The video we watched went on to talk about the next steps to financial peace with investments, children's college funds, paying off the mortgage, and building wealth and giving.  It just seems so out of reach that I cried big ol' crocodile tears.  I felt so defeated and frustrated with myself and I just needed to have my cry. I went for a run too.

I saw a tweet from @Running_MrJones that said, "Some of us run for fitness.  Some of us run for peace of mind.  Some of us run for cake.  Some of us run for medals.  Some of us run to be a better me.  Some of us are running aways from our past, our problems, the madness of living.  We run for different reasons but running always helps."   If that isn't the 100% truth, it has to be at least 98% truth ;-)

Last Sunday I ran 6 miles for peace of mind.  It wasn't easy but it made it possible for me to return home and do all the things I needed to do without dwelling on the frustration of the early morning video.  My purpose for running is different on different days and in different stages of my life.  Thankfully I found running.

On May 12, 2017, my dad got sick and was admitted to the hospital in Iowa City.  It was Mother's Day Weekend.  Early Monday, June 12, he passed away.  That same morning I had a job interview for a job I really wanted.  I left my parent's house for the interview right behind the van that took my father's body to the mortuary. I was offered the job.  I wasn't able to accept the job....big life changes really shouldn't be made during bereavement.  

May and June have been hard months for me since 2017.  I know they are going to be hard so I try not to overcomplicate things.  I go to bed at a reasonable time and I try to get up early enough to run before work.  I eat as healthy as I can within reason....after all we own a pizza place and I don't cook....another  reason I run is so I can eat the pizza without feeling all the guilt. 

This year I am feeling all the extra sad feels of May.  The final group of students that I taught in Illinois are graduating from high school.  Actually their ceremony was last night.  I am going through some mourning over this.  I am trying to reframe this in my own mind.  It's been a little easier because on Tuesday night Kate played soccer in Galena.  After the game we went into Wal Mart and right as we walked in I saw Nicolene.  Once upon a time I had worked with her at the Stillman Inn Tea Room but more recently (8 years ago) I had the privilege of being her oldest daughter's 5th grade teacher.  I hugged Nicolene and we caught up on how her daughter is doing amazing things.  One thing that I truly treasure is the end of the year gift that Nicolene's daughter gave me in May 2013.  

On Thursday night we traveled to Middleton to watch Kate play soccer.  On the way home I realized that it was Graduation Eve for the group of kids I taught my last year in Illinois.  My heart felt all the feels and I sent a quick message to one of them.  I hope he knows how much it meant to me that he wrote me back.  

Life is hard and some days (lots of days) I am not feeling "it."  Thankfully I have an amazing family who makes me laugh more than cry.  I have found a way to run for my sanity, too.

Friday was the 5th grade concert for my current students.  In a sense it is the unwritten beginning of the end of the school year celebrations.  There are always big emotions with the event.  The music teacher does an amazing job with it and with all of the strange things that COVID threw out, she and the 5th graders far exceeded expectations.  The songs they performed were so passionate and soulful. 

 It would have been a perfect Friday to go home after school and kick up my feet, but Kate had another soccer game so I excitedly made my way to Platteville to cheer her on.  By the time we got home and ate dinner, I still needed to get some activity in so I headed out for 2 easy miles knowing that today was going to be an early day of soccer and track spectating.

This morning I got up and set out for 5 miles that turned into 4...It wasn't ideal but it was better than 0.  The miles felt hard and hot even before 8 am. Hard miles help the heavenly miles create a balance with each other.  

I have 21 days until my Made to Move 10K and I am going to get there and give it my best.  #finishstrong