18/22 days of meeting my step goal. (82%)Somehow this month I am a week behind. I would have loved to have taken time for a mid May check in but here we are on the 22nd. The days seem to be flying by and I am not doing a great job of getting ahead on things. Three weeks from today I will be toeing the line at Made To Move in Madison. To say that I am undertrained is an understatement.
A couple of weeks ago at our staff meeting our building principal compared the school year to a marathon. He said that the marathon runners don't get this close to the finish line and slow down. We can't slow down or let up on instruction and expectations either. I thought about the marathons I've run and I am horrible at the "finish strong" part. I am going to do better
May has been a mental struggle for me that I wasn't expecting. This is not to excuse me but just to explain it the best that I can.
Last Sunday I had a crazy freakout. It's really funny to hear Kate and Will retell the scenario as they saw it happen. Here's a little bit of the situation from my perspective:
Roger and I are taking a Financial Peace University course. It's hard for me because it is a completely different mindset change. I have repeatedly (since I was 18 and in college) used credit cards to excess. It's a horrible habit but it has definitely been one of the things I've used to "cope" with stress. Are you feeling sad about something? Buy 4 pairs of jeans. Are you super proud of your recent race? Reward yourself with 3 new pairs of Nikes. Worried about something that might happen next week? Distract yourself by spending $400 you don't have. Did you work hard this week? Let's get a few new dresses for school. Clearly I needed this Financial Peace course but it is hard for me.
The course requires that budget/plan every dollar, watch a video and then attend the Sunday class together. On Sunday morning we watched our video and it hit me in the heart HARD for a couple of reasons. First it hit me because Dave Ramsey told the story of his friend who took his entire family on a vacation to Greece - all of his kids and grandkids - with cash. In June of 2016, my parents took all of us on a family vacation (it wasn't a $70,000 trip but....). I want to be able to do those kinds of things for my family. If I don't make some changes to how I spend/save money, I won't be able to.
The second part of Dave Ramsey's story was about the same many and how his family bought a bunch of new bicycles and gave them away. Roger and I would love to be able to give in ways like that whether it be to give back to our local community or to our alma maters in scholarships. The video we watched went on to talk about the next steps to financial peace with investments, children's college funds, paying off the mortgage, and building wealth and giving. It just seems so out of reach that I cried big ol' crocodile tears. I felt so defeated and frustrated with myself and I just needed to have my cry. I went for a run too.
I saw a tweet from @Running_MrJones that said, "Some of us run for fitness. Some of us run for peace of mind. Some of us run for cake. Some of us run for medals. Some of us run to be a better me. Some of us are running aways from our past, our problems, the madness of living. We run for different reasons but running always helps." If that isn't the 100% truth, it has to be at least 98% truth ;-)
Last Sunday I ran 6 miles for peace of mind. It wasn't easy but it made it possible for me to return home and do all the things I needed to do without dwelling on the frustration of the early morning video. My purpose for running is different on different days and in different stages of my life. Thankfully I found running.
On May 12, 2017, my dad got sick and was admitted to the hospital in Iowa City. It was Mother's Day Weekend. Early Monday, June 12, he passed away. That same morning I had a job interview for a job I really wanted. I left my parent's house for the interview right behind the van that took my father's body to the mortuary. I was offered the job. I wasn't able to accept the job....big life changes really shouldn't be made during bereavement.
May and June have been hard months for me since 2017. I know they are going to be hard so I try not to overcomplicate things. I go to bed at a reasonable time and I try to get up early enough to run before work. I eat as healthy as I can within reason....after all we own a pizza place and I don't cook....another reason I run is so I can eat the pizza without feeling all the guilt.
This year I am feeling all the extra sad feels of May. The final group of students that I taught in Illinois are graduating from high school. Actually their ceremony was last night. I am going through some mourning over this. I am trying to reframe this in my own mind. It's been a little easier because on Tuesday night Kate played soccer in Galena. After the game we went into Wal Mart and right as we walked in I saw Nicolene. Once upon a time I had worked with her at the Stillman Inn Tea Room but more recently (8 years ago) I had the privilege of being her oldest daughter's 5th grade teacher. I hugged Nicolene and we caught up on how her daughter is doing amazing things. One thing that I truly treasure is the end of the year gift that Nicolene's daughter gave me in May 2013.
On Thursday night we traveled to Middleton to watch Kate play soccer. On the way home I realized that it was Graduation Eve for the group of kids I taught my last year in Illinois. My heart felt all the feels and I sent a quick message to one of them. I hope he knows how much it meant to me that he wrote me back.
Life is hard and some days (lots of days) I am not feeling "it." Thankfully I have an amazing family who makes me laugh more than cry. I have found a way to run for my sanity, too.
Friday was the 5th grade concert for my current students. In a sense it is the unwritten beginning of the end of the school year celebrations. There are always big emotions with the event. The music teacher does an amazing job with it and with all of the strange things that COVID threw out, she and the 5th graders far exceeded expectations. The songs they performed were so passionate and soulful.
It would have been a perfect Friday to go home after school and kick up my feet, but Kate had another soccer game so I excitedly made my way to Platteville to cheer her on. By the time we got home and ate dinner, I still needed to get some activity in so I headed out for 2 easy miles knowing that today was going to be an early day of soccer and track spectating.
This morning I got up and set out for 5 miles that turned into 4...It wasn't ideal but it was better than 0. The miles felt hard and hot even before 8 am. Hard miles help the heavenly miles create a balance with each other.
I have 21 days until my Made to Move 10K and I am going to get there and give it my best. #finishstrong
