Wrapping Up Another Month

 Bring on the month of GRATITUDE!    I have so much to be thankful for.

This past weekend is just a small dose of all the good things I have in my life:  family, friends, health.

On Labor Day 2014 I ran a sub 2 half marathon.  Since then I have run 28 more and always chasing a sub 2 hour finish.  Saturday morning it happened!  Let me rewind a bit...  In August, Michelle joined me in Dubuque for the Alzheimer's Half Marathon.  I hadn't been following a training plan and the  night before I decided I would try 1 mile/ 1 minute intervals.  I finished in a 2:09.  I was shocked at that and felt really proud of the under 10 minute per mile average pace.  At the end of September I ran the Quad Cities Half marathon in 2:03:+   

With the Galena River Fall Half Marathon just one month from the QC Half, I was curious to find out if I could break 2 hours again.  While I haven't been following a training plan, I have been getting in the miles and feeling really good while running.  My average paces have been just under 10 per mile.  It left me wondering, could I average 9:05 for 13.1 miles?  

In case you didn't know, it Halloween week (hahaha) and that can be crazy at any school.  Friday was a pretty crazy day with a cross country send off parade, a fire drill, and the Halloween party.  By the end of the school day, I was really wiped out.  After a 2 mile shakeout run and a solid dinner, I was feeling ready. My "race plan" was to run 2 miles/ walk 1 minute.  It seemed like a good way to step it up from what I had done in September.  

I thought for sure I would sleep well Friday night so that Saturday would be a well rested run.  NOPE.  I couldn't find the clothes I wanted to wear for the race.  I didn't fall asleep easily Friday night.  I was awake at 4 am on Saturday.  OY!   

As I was getting ready on Saturday morning, I got a notification on my watch that my poor sleep had increased my recovery time and that I needed to take it easy on Saturday.  That wasn't what I wanted to do.  I wanted to go for a sub 2 hour half marathon finish time.  We pulled out of the driveway pretty close to on time but as we drove up Alona Lane, I realized that I didn't have my phone.  Luckily we were still close to home and I was able to find my phone quickly.  

Arrival at the race and packet pick up was smooth and simple.  I used the porta potties quickly and headed back to the car to stay warm.  All the nerves hit.   I was in my head big time.  As I was lining up at the start, Michelle gave me a hug and I began to fall apart.   I cannot tell you how much it meant that Donna and Michelle were here with me this weekend.  They believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.  A thank you will never be enough to let them know how much I needed them in that moment.  It can seem easier to give up on goals at these moments but they didn't let me forget that I had it within me to hit the goal time.  

Michelle noticed something behind me and pointed for me to turn and right there was Roger and Kate.  They believed that the race would be a good one for me, too.  

With the strength of other believing in my, I was able to believe in myself.  I was strong and ran a great race.  When I came through the 11 mile mark, I passed my cheer squad and I wondered if I could hit my goal.  My watch wasn't reading overall pace and the GPS had gone a little wacky so I had no idea what my time was.  Michelle hollered, "1:39."    That meant I had 21 minutes to make the final 2 miles.  

At about 12.9, Donna and Michelle were standing and cheering for me.  I felt like I could do it.

When I saw the finish line, the clock was reading, "0:00:00."   That didn't help me...  I ran through the finish and stopped my watch:  1:56:40!!!!   I did it!  

Confidence does not come easily for me, but I am starting to see my potential again.

As November begins tomorrow, I am beyond grateful for all the connections that help to build me up. 

I met my step goall every day this month!!!  Hoping to do it again in November.

 

Be a Winner....

 For about a month I have been really thinking, deliberately reflecting, about what it means to win.  I know that seems like a really silly thing to be pondering and putting so much into but I while watching different spring sporting events that my kids have been in and working on my own fitness, I struggled with what it really means to win.  

When I would run half marathons when I first started running in 2011, I remember my own kids and even my students asking me after the races if I had won.  I would always giggle and explain that no I hadn't won but sometimes finishing is an accomplishment.  There were a couple of times that I did "win."  For example at the 2015 Riverview Run 10K, I was the first place woman runner.  It was a small race and I was running really great paces with every mile in the 8s.  My whole thinking around this idea of winning has been brewing since I would watch Will's track meets and Kate's soccer games this spring. 

What does it mean to win?  

There are days lately where I feel like "winning" is simply making it through the day and getting all the things I need to completed.  As I was preparing to run the Fellow Flowers Made to Move 10K in Madison on June 12, I knew I was not going to win or be in the top 3 for my age group.  A few years ago that would have crushed me.  A few years ago I was in a different place.  Winning on June 12 was simply getting my rear to the event, toeing the start line, and completing all 6.2 miles with a smile.  That was a HUGE WIN for me and I am proud of that.  

Over the last year plus, I have come to realize that winning comes from your MINDSET.  

My dear, amazing daughter has really helped me see that.  Her attitude is amazing. She focuses on the positive in every situation.  When I, too often, hold onto the suck and the negativity, she finds the positive.  She is optimistic about everything and I am so proud of her for helping me to really learn from hard lessons and use them to put effort into the positive.  

While watching my son compete in track, I felt his frustration at times.  The events he was in were all individual and he would often feel defeated with his performance.  Winning in track is definitely different from team sports and that was a good thing and a bad thing for my competitive son who did NOT think it was good enough to come in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th.... or so on.  

As I would watch both of my kids compete this spring I thought a lot about what it meant to win and then I wondered why winning was so important.  

I was not an athletic kid.  My competitions were in academics.  I could win spelling bees and academic bowl meets.  I could have the highest GPA possible and take all the college prep classes.  I could give the Valedictory Address at graduation but I had no idea how to be a winner. Winning seemed tied to the athletics and not so much my academics until my recent concentration on winning and what it means to win.

I have come to the decision that sometimes winning means simply letting go.  

As I have been running some of my miles I have been trying to absorb my feelings into my heart and transfer those into my legs with each step and then let it go.  Winning is learning how to feel the frustration and manage the joy of success, too.

It's time for me to make some plans to improve and get back to being a winner.  This #medalmonday from Made to Move is my first step toward being a winner again.

Mid May Check in

 

 18/22 days of meeting my step goal. (82%)

Somehow this month I am a week behind.  I would have loved to have taken time for a mid May check in but here we are on the 22nd.  The days seem to be flying by and I am not doing a great job of getting ahead on things.  Three weeks from today I will be toeing the line at Made To Move in Madison.  To say that I am undertrained is an understatement.  

A couple of weeks ago at our staff meeting our building principal compared the school year to a marathon.  He said that the marathon runners don't get this close to the finish line and slow down.  We can't slow down or let up on instruction and expectations either.  I thought about the marathons I've run and I am horrible at the "finish strong" part.  I am going to do better 

May has been a mental struggle for me that I wasn't expecting.  This is not to excuse me but just to explain it the best that I can.  

Last Sunday I had a crazy freakout.  It's really funny to hear Kate and Will retell the scenario as they saw it happen.  Here's a little bit of the situation from my perspective:

Roger and I are taking a Financial Peace University course.  It's hard for me because it is a completely different mindset change.  I have repeatedly (since I was 18 and in college) used credit cards to excess.  It's a horrible habit but it has definitely been one of the things I've used to "cope" with stress.  Are you feeling sad about something?   Buy 4 pairs of jeans.  Are you super proud of your recent race?   Reward yourself with 3 new pairs of Nikes.  Worried about something that might happen next week?  Distract yourself by spending $400 you don't have. Did you work hard this week?  Let's get a few new dresses for school.  Clearly I needed this Financial Peace course but it is hard for me.   

The course requires that budget/plan every dollar, watch a video and then attend the Sunday class together.  On Sunday morning we watched our video and it hit me in the heart HARD for a couple of reasons.  First it hit me because Dave Ramsey told the story of his friend who took his entire family on a vacation to Greece - all of his kids and grandkids - with cash.  In June of 2016, my parents took all of us on a family vacation (it wasn't a $70,000 trip but....).  I want to be able to do those kinds of things for my family.  If I don't make some changes to how I spend/save money, I won't be able to.  

The second part of Dave Ramsey's story was about the same many and how his family bought a bunch of new bicycles and gave them away.  Roger and I would love to be able to give in ways like that whether it be to give back to our local community or to our alma maters in scholarships.  The video we watched went on to talk about the next steps to financial peace with investments, children's college funds, paying off the mortgage, and building wealth and giving.  It just seems so out of reach that I cried big ol' crocodile tears.  I felt so defeated and frustrated with myself and I just needed to have my cry. I went for a run too.

I saw a tweet from @Running_MrJones that said, "Some of us run for fitness.  Some of us run for peace of mind.  Some of us run for cake.  Some of us run for medals.  Some of us run to be a better me.  Some of us are running aways from our past, our problems, the madness of living.  We run for different reasons but running always helps."   If that isn't the 100% truth, it has to be at least 98% truth ;-)

Last Sunday I ran 6 miles for peace of mind.  It wasn't easy but it made it possible for me to return home and do all the things I needed to do without dwelling on the frustration of the early morning video.  My purpose for running is different on different days and in different stages of my life.  Thankfully I found running.

On May 12, 2017, my dad got sick and was admitted to the hospital in Iowa City.  It was Mother's Day Weekend.  Early Monday, June 12, he passed away.  That same morning I had a job interview for a job I really wanted.  I left my parent's house for the interview right behind the van that took my father's body to the mortuary. I was offered the job.  I wasn't able to accept the job....big life changes really shouldn't be made during bereavement.  

May and June have been hard months for me since 2017.  I know they are going to be hard so I try not to overcomplicate things.  I go to bed at a reasonable time and I try to get up early enough to run before work.  I eat as healthy as I can within reason....after all we own a pizza place and I don't cook....another  reason I run is so I can eat the pizza without feeling all the guilt. 

This year I am feeling all the extra sad feels of May.  The final group of students that I taught in Illinois are graduating from high school.  Actually their ceremony was last night.  I am going through some mourning over this.  I am trying to reframe this in my own mind.  It's been a little easier because on Tuesday night Kate played soccer in Galena.  After the game we went into Wal Mart and right as we walked in I saw Nicolene.  Once upon a time I had worked with her at the Stillman Inn Tea Room but more recently (8 years ago) I had the privilege of being her oldest daughter's 5th grade teacher.  I hugged Nicolene and we caught up on how her daughter is doing amazing things.  One thing that I truly treasure is the end of the year gift that Nicolene's daughter gave me in May 2013.  

On Thursday night we traveled to Middleton to watch Kate play soccer.  On the way home I realized that it was Graduation Eve for the group of kids I taught my last year in Illinois.  My heart felt all the feels and I sent a quick message to one of them.  I hope he knows how much it meant to me that he wrote me back.  

Life is hard and some days (lots of days) I am not feeling "it."  Thankfully I have an amazing family who makes me laugh more than cry.  I have found a way to run for my sanity, too.

Friday was the 5th grade concert for my current students.  In a sense it is the unwritten beginning of the end of the school year celebrations.  There are always big emotions with the event.  The music teacher does an amazing job with it and with all of the strange things that COVID threw out, she and the 5th graders far exceeded expectations.  The songs they performed were so passionate and soulful. 

 It would have been a perfect Friday to go home after school and kick up my feet, but Kate had another soccer game so I excitedly made my way to Platteville to cheer her on.  By the time we got home and ate dinner, I still needed to get some activity in so I headed out for 2 easy miles knowing that today was going to be an early day of soccer and track spectating.

This morning I got up and set out for 5 miles that turned into 4...It wasn't ideal but it was better than 0.  The miles felt hard and hot even before 8 am. Hard miles help the heavenly miles create a balance with each other.  

I have 21 days until my Made to Move 10K and I am going to get there and give it my best.  #finishstrong

Declare It Day - One Month into 2021

How's your momentum going so far this year?   How much thought do you give to momentum?  A few weeks ago, Mel from Fellow Flowers wrote about momentum and a conversation that she had with her daughter Alexis when they were finishing up their run coming down a hill.   Now I know that I am not a science teacher (Kudos to any of you that are.  I had a super awesome science teacher in high school - Mr. Etnyre.  I am always fascinated by science but could never teach it.), but I do love what momentum can represent - ENERGY!  I have been thinking about this whole idea of momentum/energy since the year began.  I want to increase the things that move me forward and decrease the things that are holding me back.  Sounds simple, right?   I wish it were.  

Here's one of the ways to get momentum going in my life:  set a powerful goal.   That's what Declare It Day is all about.  It was so awesome to be participating in my 5th DID with Fellow Flowers. 

This was definitely different though.  I wasn't able to go meet up with the crew and run any miles like in the past.  Instead it was a Zoom meet up last night - different but still so fulfilling.

When the new year began, I chose BELIEVE as my word for the year and it really is going to help me build and keep my momentum going to reach my 2021 Declare It Day Goal. A second step in maintaining momentum in life has to do with getting and staying motivated.  I've been working on that with book clubs.  My current book club is Get Out Of Your Head by Jennie Allen. While in the book, she talks about it as spiraling and not momentum, I feel like it's really similar.  Creating that new normal where we are operating in our purpose...sounds like momentum to me.  Jennie Allen talks about how if we don't believe (yes - she used that word) our minds will spin and spin looking for a place to land.  Much of this is about thoughts and positive thinking.  I am determined this year to use my BELIEF in myself to keep motivated and fixated on my declaration.

As I looked back on my declarations from year's past, I saw a pretty common thread of good habits and improving myself. Last year my declaration was to simplify-- get out of the mindset and thinking of more is better.  I'm not really straying from that tremendously this year.  This year I will believe in my faith, my journey, my own strength, and my abilities to overcome.  So much of what holds me back is in my own head.  

I've been working with Kate to prepare for her ACT test in March and one of the key things we keep reading is how important mental preparation and confidence is.  Many things we have been reading are about developing a positive mental attitude and simply believing that YOU WILL DO WELL!  Intend to do your best and believe it.  That's my big declaration for this year.  I'm going to stop believing the lies in my head and really do the things in my heart.  

This will be my year of doing more than just going through the motions.  That may seem like momentum but it's not.  In that sense it's an illusion.  That is more like drudgery than anything positive.  

I am going to live this year with momentum that is filled with meaning!

I promise that it wasn't a typo in the word abilities...just didn't have enough space for all my words...

Here's to new beginnings EVERY day:  365 chances to get better each and every year.  Use your momentum and move toward the life you want and can make happen!

Added just for a little motivation:

Will I Am

One Word for 2021

 Since as far back as January 2016 I have chosen a word for each year.  That first year I chose Courage.  It was a word I relied on and drew strength from in many areas of my life.  In 2020 I chose the word Simplify.  It was very meaningful and powerful for me as I lived through a pandemic and navigated uncharted territory.  

This year I have really struggled to settle in on my word.

You can read about the basis of Jon Gordon's work with One Word HERE.

My original thoughts about my word was that I was going to choose trust.  Much of it having to do with trusting myself.   Then I switched my thinking to using TRUTH.  As I prayed over those 2 possibilities last week, I knew they weren't right for me.   I switched my thinking to the word HOPE.  

I really thought that was going to be my word.  I started to focus in on my 2021 intentions.  I began asking myself questions about my goals for the year and what qualities in myself I was really going to grow and improve on.  I began thinking about how I wanted to grow in 2021 - personally, professionally, as a parent.  GROW started to stick out to me as an important word.  BUILD was a word that resonated with me.  

On the shortest day of the year (December 21 - Winter solstice) I had thought my word was going to be LIGHT.  I read an article in the Telegraph Herald during December that talked about how important the balance of light and dark was.  It talked about how our eyes adjust to the darkness and the shadows that go deep.  Light really seemed like a great word because I associated it with being the happy parts of things, welcoming, sunshine through clouds.  I'm trying so hard to left go of feelings that drag me into the darkness:  resentment and anger.  Light and grace and gratitude were possible words.   

As I was reading more and more as the new year approached, more and more words were swimming around in my mind.  I wasn't narrowing things down at all.  The words were growing and now I had so many choices that I was feeling choice paralysis.  

Thinking about my goals, both short term and long term, helped me to rule out a few words but then more words would come to my mind.  On January 1 I started some writing and I made a few different lists with some of the words I was thinking about.  This was such a strange feeling for me because ever since I had started this One Word Process in 2016, my word always seemed to choose me.   

Social media had to play a little part in the process, too....A former neighbor shared this image:

My first 4 words were change, breakthrough, purpose, and lessons.  

As I was doing some things on January 1, I was really stuck on the butterfly.  I still didn't have a word but I liked the symbolism of the butterfly.  

When the facebook Nametests showed up with the above answer, I was settled on the symbol of a butterfly but not a word yet.  There were so many reasons I love the butterfly.  One reason I love butterflies is that they remind me of a play that my dad and brother were in during the summer of 1984:  Bullfrogs and Butterflies.  Here's a link to the song from that musical.  It seemed like I was leaning toward the word grow or evolve.  Even HOPE was still a connection to the butterfly.  Transform, change, potential, joy and courage popped up as I was thinking and praying over my word.  The list was growing instead of shrinking.

My focus with in 2021 was to grow and become stronger and more confident.  It also meant letting go of the things that I cannot control.  

Now it came time to think of stories and connections that could help me find the right word.  I thought of the word BECOME to go along with GROW. I was listening to something Matthew West was sharing on Instagram when he talked about Paul and how he was the real deal.  Matthew West quoted from 1 Timothy 1:15.  This made me think TRUTH might be the word.  

At this point you can probably tell that I could not narrow things down.  Words kept being added to my list of possibilities.

Have you read The Velveteen Rabbit?  There was a part in that story that kept resonating with me especially asIt's such a memorable story line:

Now I was feeling like this       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ was what I was thinking and feeling.  I wanted my word to be REAL and for me and to include all the parts of my story.  

Last week in our #movewithmel coaching call, Mel said, "You don't have to love all of your story but you have to take it all/acknowledge it all."  That hit me HARD.  I try to ignore the parts of my story that I don't like or feel don't make me "look" good.  In all honesty, social media makes that possible for so many of us.  If you are still with me in my process of finding my word - thank you.  I was getting closer to finding my word.  

I knew I wanted to be REAL and relate somehow to the butterfly symbol.  

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty – Maya Angelou

These creatures are teachers in disguise!  I may have spent the last couple of year's stuck and not moving forward but this is the year I BREAKTHROUGH.  My word is BELIEVE!!!  I will believe in my faith, believe in my journey, believe in my role as a mom, believe in my own strength, believe in my ability to overcome.  I will believe that I am growing even when I cannot feel it or see it.  I will believe that change is okay (and even GOOD).  I will use those buterfly wings to fly forward with confidence.   BELIEVE!